Child Sexual Abuse – Breaking the Silence – Part Two

Child Sexual Abuse – Breaking the Silence

introduction by maggie christian

( a collection of Tips to be aware of which will aid in identifying the potentials for Child Sexual Abuse and that will enable all of us to read the signs if Child Sexual Abuse is occurring. This collection of Tips will be broken up into several parts for less difficult accessibility. If there are more Tips more parts to this collection will be added. this collection comes from the Facebook Page Notes of TAALK: Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse. I am just trying to spread the message so that as many people as possible can become aware of the plague of Child Sexual Abuse and how invasive it is in all possible ways with all possible people. The victims and survivors of Child Sexual Abuse need to know that we are not alone. I hope more people will spread this information so that awareness will be everywhere and Child Sexual Abuse will be recognized for what it is and preventative steps can be taken to protect the children who are now being abused and to let the victims and survivors know that we are acknowledged and Child Sexual Abuse will not be hidden away in some secret closet in which no one shares that secret. We want Child Sexual Abuse to be out in the open so that the world can see it does exist in an awful abundance and must be stopped and prevented and brought to an end where ever it exists. Let the healing begin before it starts. Please read these many pages. If you know of anyone that fits any of these descriptions and know of anyone who needs help and rescuing – reach out your hand and be there for all those children who are being abused or have been abused and help the survivors that were abused and live with the memories. We all that have been and are being abused will always have those memories. PLEASE BECOME AWARE OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE and HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT WHEN YOU SEE IT.)

Thanks for continuing your education on how to prevent child sexual abuse. Your increased awareness will make a difference in the lives of children around you.

If you have a tip that you’d like to share with others or you would like to provide feedback on this tip, please send us an email at taalktips@taalk.org

TAALK – Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse

TAALK Tip #100
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophiles seek opportunity – they will choose to volunteer for youth serving organizations such as boys and girls clubs and sports leagues. Be particularly cautious if their own children are not in the organizations they volunteer for. This doesn’t mean that all youth serving volunteers are pedophiles but it is a red flag. Look for other flag to see if there’s a pattern.

TAALK Tip #99 – missing

TAALK Tip #98
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be aware of who is taking pictures of your children. This is particularly important if your kids are in water sports such as swimming, diving, or water polo. There will often be a parent who volunteers to take pictures for the whole team for the season. Be leery if that parent is over zealous about the job. Check the National Sex Offender’s Registry to be sure they’re not listed.

True Story: I recently met a Mom who shared that she found out that the Dad who volunteered to take pictures for the swim team at her child’s high school was a registered sex offender. She brought it to the attention of the school and they were unwilling to do anything about it. Don’t back down, call the School District, call the County Dept of Education, call the State Dept of Education. You should never back down when you know there is inherent risk.

TAALK Tip #97
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When hiring a nanny, be sure to do a full background check, preferably with fingerprints.

TAALK Tip #96
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Make a list of all of your kids friends and make a point of talking with each of their parents about the child sexual abuse epidemic. Invite them to go to our website to learn more and ask them to partner with you to learn how to protect kids.

TAALK Tip #95
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that child sexual abuse happens at the hands of strangers. The offenders walk among us.

Statistic: 30-40% of child sexual abuse victims are abused by a family member, another 50% by someone outside the family they know and trust. Therefore only 10% are abused by strangers.

TAALK Tip #94
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When your child wants to sleep over a friend’s house, talk with your child before they go about who will be there and remind them that no one is to touch their private parts or do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. Ask your child about these things upon return.

Also tell the adults where your child will be staying, that you and your child are educated about child sexual abuse. And that you have informed your child about appropriate touch and safety, and your child is authorized to call home 24/7 without asking them permission. Remind your child about these things in front of the adult so they know that the adult is aware of the rules.

TAALK Tip #93
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If you see a child with physical trauma to the genital or anal areas, they are most likely being abused. Call your pediatrician, family doctor or local hospital immediately and ask if your county has a specialized child sexual assault examination clinic. If so, take your child there, if not then take them to the pediatrician, doctor, or hospital. Do not bathe your child, change their clothes, or clean them in anyway before taking them to a doctor.

TAALK Tip #92
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: All schools should have a child sexual abuse prevention policy that is in writing and includes strong screening policies for all faculty, administrative staff and grounds personnel. Insist on it!

TAALK Tip #91
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When your child wants to go to a friend’s house, ask the parents if there is any reason they will need to leave the house. If so, will they take the kids with them? Be aware if they kids will be left behind with older siblings. Ask your child about these details upon return.

TAALK Tip #90
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophiles seek opportunity – they choose to live in places where children congregate such as above the pool, facing the park/swing set, near a school bus stop, etc. This doesn’t mean that all people who choose these living arrangements are pedophiles but it is a red flag. Look for other flags to see if there’s a pattern.

TAALK Tip #89
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Children of all ages and even adults for that matter, should avoid being alone outdoors at night. There is a high risk of sexual assault and/or abduction at night which becomes even greater if this behavior is predictable such as walking the same time every night on the same street.

TAALK Tip #88
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Most abuse happens in one adult-one child situations. Be a good role model and always avoid being alone in a car with a child other than your own. If you are ever put in a position where you have to give a child a ride when there is no one else in the car with you, insist that the child sit in the back seat. Insist on the same behavior of other adults who drive your children.

TAALK Tip #87
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Take the opportunity to tell your medical providers and lab technicians about the child sexual abuse statistics and that you’re committed to lowering the risk for your child and invite him/her to go to our website to learn more. This is a great way to let them know that you and your child are savvy and therefore off-limits. This will raise their awareness as well.

TAALK Tip #86
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Take the time to reach out to other parents who are friends with a child of a convicted sex offender. Suggest that they make the family aware that they know about the conviction and know that it is not their children’s fault. Invite them to play at your house where you can ensure close supervision and help the offender’s children to continue to have normal healthy social interactions.

TAALK Tip #85
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be especially cautious of predators at children’s gatherings such as G rated movies and children’s concerts (Hannah Montana, etc.). These are venues where pedophiles can spend hours looking at young children and some may even try to create opportunities to molest. So, keep your children with you at all times.

TAALK Tip #84
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Note. This applies to the USA National Sex Offenders Registry.

Information acquired from the National Sex Offender’s Registry or a state registry website is for personal use and protection of your children. Although you have the right to let others know of information you’ve discovered, any person who uses the information to threaten, intimidate or harass a registrant or a member of his/her family may be subject to criminal prosecution. So, please protect this valuable asset by using the information wisely.

TAALK Tip #83
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: With regards to medical exams, teach your children to follow their gut instinct if something feels or seems wrong, it probably is. Empower them to say no. You never know when someone, even a parent or step parent will try to disguise sexual abuse saying it is medically necessary.

TAALK Tip #82
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Ask your school principle to explain their child sexual abuse prevention policy. These policies should be documented and you can request a copy.

TAALK Tip #81
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophiles seek opportunity – they choose careers that allow them to be with kids – teachers, daycare workers, professional coaches, music teachers, etc. This doesn’t mean that all people who choose these careers are pedophiles but it is important to pay close attention and look for pedophile signs to see if there’s a pattern.

TAALK Tip #80
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Insist on a “no secret” policy within your family. Teach your children from the earliest age that there is NEVER a reason to keep secrets from either of their parents or their siblings. Teach them that if anyone says “it’s our secret” or “you can’t tell anyone because…” it is a sign of danger and they need to immediately tell you or another trusted adult.

TAALK Tip #79
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If a child begins to show unexplainable and seemingly unreasonable behavior related to being alone or with specific people, support their needs and make an effort to understand why. If necessary, get professional help to further understanding the behavior. It may be a sign that they are trying to protect themselves from someone.

True Story:
I recently spoke with a Mom whose oldest daughter was sexually abused by her husband. Her daughter slept on the top of a bunk bed and her two sisters slept on the bottom. Her father would molest her when he was tucking her into bed at night while her two little sisters were in the bed below. Eventually, she began sleeping with her two sisters in the bottom bed to avoid the abuse. Of course, her sisters wanted to move to the top bunk for more room but her daughter insisted that all three of them sleep in one bed no matter how crowded it was.

TAALK Tip #78
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pay close attention when an older child begins to be overly protective of younger siblings, especially in keeping them away from certain people. This could be a sign that the older child has been sexually abused and is now concerned that the younger siblings will become targets. Older children who have kept their own secret for years often disclose when they realize their siblings are at risk.

TAALK Tip #77
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If you’re going to have contract workers at your house for an extended period of time, take the time to check the Sex Offenders’ Registry for their names and be sure to never leave your kids alone in the house with them.

True Story:
I recently spoke with a friend who had her house remodeled and had a contractor working in her house daily for several months. After he had completed the work, a neighbor told her that he was a registered sex offender. When she looked, indeed he was listed on the registry. There was no sign of incident with her kids but this was very scary to know he had so many opportunities to access her kids.
Thanks for continuing your education on how to prevent child sexual abuse. Your increased awareness will make a difference in the lives of children around you.

TAALK Tip #76
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When your child wants to go to a friend’s house, make sure you have met both of the parents and any other adults living in the house.

TAALK Tip #75
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Beware of predators at children’s movies. What a great place to watch the children! Keep your children close to you and ensure that you never let young children walk alone or go to the bathroom alone at the theater.

TAALK Tip #74 – missing

TAALK Tip #73
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophile Traits – They are sometimes married but have a “special relationship” that enables their behavior. This might include insisting on their wife wearing pigtails or dressing up as a young girl before sex.

TAALK Tip #72
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child participates in any water sports such as swimming, diving or water polo, be very attuned to anyone taking pictures of your child in their swimsuits. These pictures often end up on the internet. Approach whoever it is and ask them to stop.

TAALK Tip #71
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophile Traits – They have no apparent same-age partner or close friends.

TAALK Tip #70 – Repost with Additional Info**
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Get your child a cell phone as soon as they begin spending time away from you. Even if it is a prepaid phone for emergency purposes only, they need to have immediate direct access to you in case they find themselves at risk.

**However, they do not need to have texting or internet access on their phones at a young age. These extended features are another way for predators to access our children, especially when they are away from home and we can’t keep a close eye on them.**

TAALK Tip #69
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be careful in places like Laundromats where it’s normal for people to sit by themselves for long periods of time just looking around. Keep your kids very close to you and have your eye on them at all times.

An investigator told me a story about a predator who used to sit by himself at the Laundromat and while the parents weren’t looking, he would grab the young kids into the bathroom and molest them and then send them back out and just sit back down and wait for the next victim.

TAALK Tip #68
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Talk with your child and share age appropriate information regarding child sexual abuse, what it is, what you do to protect them, what they can do to protect themselves, and what to do if someone makes them feel uncomfortable.

TAALK Tip #67
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Talk to your teenager girls about gynecological appointments and what to expect. Let them know that a Doctor should never examine their private parts without a nurse in the room. Explain that the exam should be very brief and the Doctor should not have “roaming” hands.

TAALK Tip #66
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: As soon as your kids are old enough to communicate, teach them what sexual abuse, molestation and grooming mean and give them examples.

TAALK Tip #65
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip:As soon as your kids are old enough to communicate, teach your children that no one should touch them where their bathing suit covers.

TAALK Tip #64
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child is babysitting, insist that they call you immediately if for some reason they find themselves alone in the house with one adult.

TAALK Tip #63
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Never make your children sit on someone’s lap if they don’t want to. Trust your child’s instincts – if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

TAALK Tip #62
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child is receiving tutoring outside your home, be very specific about where the tutoring will take place. Ensure that it is in a location that is observable by other adults such as a library, outdoors in the courtyard, etc. Talk with your child after each tutoring session and ask specifics about where they were and and who was around.

Statistic: 80% of abuse happens in one adult/one child situations.

TAALK Tip #61
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your kids have relatives that they like to snuggle with or sit on their lap, be sure that you can see both of the relatives hands at all times.

True Story: I’ve heard several stories about survivors who had relatives who fondled them under their dresses or under a blanket while sitting on their laps at a family gathering in in a room full of people.

TAALK Tip #60
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Most abuse happens in one adult-one child situations. Be a good role model and always avoid being alone in a car with a child other than your own. If you are ever put in a position where you have to give a child a ride when there is no one else in the car with you, insist that the child sit in the back seat. Insist on the same behavior of other adults who drive your children.

TAALK Tip #59
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: As soon as your children are old enough to be “safe” by themselves, teach them to close and lock the bathroom door when toileting, bathing or changing. This is particularly important when at other people’s houses or when they’re with a babysitter but it’s also a good habit to get into at home.

Fact: Some offenders gain access to children when the kids are unsuspecting and indisposed. Some perpetrators start their relationship with voyeurism which is the act of obtaining sexual gratification from observing unsuspecting individuals who are partly undressed, naked, or engaged in sexual acts; broadly : one who habitually seeks sexual stimulation by visual means.

TAALK Tip #58
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be cautious of adults who stay very current on kids trends, especially in music, internet games and chat rooms, etc. This is one of the many tools that perpetrators use to build a friendship with children.

TAALK Tip #57
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child complains of pain during urination or bowel movements, this could be caused by sexual activity. Take them to visit a pediatrician or family doctor right away.

TAALK Tip #56
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
One of our readers provided input that this tip unfairly focuses on female teachers as the perpetrators and doesn’t discuss male teachers as potential perpetrators. I explained to her that this particular tip was designed to make sure that people don’t fall for the false misconception that perpetrators are always male. But to her point, it is important to limit one adult/one child situations as much as possible regardless of gender and their role in the community. I appreciate her input and thought I would pass it on to all of you.

Tip:Teen boys should never be alone with female teachers.

Statistic: A 2004 U.S. Department of Education study found that women made up 40 percent of educators reported for sexual misconduct with students.

TAALK Tip #55
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be particularly cautious of teen boys who seem to have a “close” relationship with an adult woman.

Fact: Women who seek sex with underage boys are more likely than men to focus on one person and to profess love and loyalty and a sense of a particular and profound bond.

TAALK Tip #54
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be on the watch for adults who have close relationships with children and then when the child reaches a certain age, the adult “drops” them and goes on to build a close relationship with another younger child.

Fact: Pedophiles are attracted to children within a very specific age range, typically prepubescent. When the child reaches puberty, the pedophile will move on.

TAALK Tip #53
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: There are four types of cyber predators:
Collectors: people who collect child pornography by downloading it from elsewhere on the internet
Travelers: people who do interstate travel with the intent to sexually abuse a child
Manufacturers: people who either personally create child pornography or “order and direct” the manufacturing of child pornography
Chatters: people who groom and sexually solicit children in internet chat rooms

TAALK Tip #52
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual AbuseTip: Cyber predators are people who use a computer to commit sex offenses. This is sometimes referred to as technophilia.

TAALK Tip #51
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Although the National Sex Offender’s Registry is a good source of information, don’t rely on it to provide information on all sex offenders. Only a percentage of convicted sex offenders are required to be “publically” registered. Some states only list high-risk offenders and some states such as California allow sex offenders convicted of interfamilial abuse to “opt out” of the sex offender registry. In some cases courts even allow convicted child molesters to return to their home and live with their children after they’ve completed their prison term.

National Sex Offender’s Registry online:
http://www.nsopw.gov/Core/Conditions.aspx?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1

About the universal eclectic

writer.poet.screenwriter. animal activist. support progressive political causes. film maker & photographer. advocate for the protection of children from child sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual abuse. lgbtq activist. lesbian. animal advocate. animal lover. daily journaling. dream interpretation. write poetry. fiction(novels & short stories).semi-autobiographical books. screenplays & blogs. cinephile. anglophile. technophile. love theatre. great television(esp. british).films. love books. love reading. collect quotations. collect dvds. love music (eclectic tastes). addicted to laptop computer. internet. facebook. twitter & other social networking. 'surfing' the net. wikipedia. texting. ustream. wordpress. blogging. love my family of 2 humans(myself & my partner) & 12 animals: 1 amazon parrot (saki). (6 cats (sanji, sigmund, schroeder, spike, soyer & spootiepaws). 1 rat (max). 2 degues (bubble & squeak) & 2 chinchillas (sagan & sundance). love animals. worked for humane society for 14 yrs. worked at westport public library as intern. worked at bennington college library. student assistant in college. co-produced gay & lesbian radio show at yale university. member of yale lesbians. board member of new haven, ct women’s' center. love stana katic. her films & her tv show 'castle' -my guilty pleasure. passion for & study of psychotherapy & other forms of psychology. believe in love as a metaphysical state of being. in love with being in love. support legalizing marijuana. support releasing non-violent drug offenders from prison. support abolishing the death penalty. support a woman's right to choose. support the arts in schools. support federal funding of pbs. npr & nea. stopping the government from being taken over by the gop and tea baggers. support for medicare, medicaid and health care for all.
This entry was posted in abuse, aggregation, anger, anxiety, awareness, bad touch, behavior, being alone, boundaries, causes, child abuse, child pornography, child sexual abuse, childhood, childhood trauma, children, closeness, control, courage, criminal behavior, dissociation, emotional grounding, emotional support, emotions, enticement, friendship, good touch, healing, incest, internet, intimacy, media, memories, mental health, news, panic attacks, pedophilia, perpetrators, predators, prevention, progressive social issues, psychology, psychotherapy, relationships, secrets, sexual abuse, sexual offenses, sexuality, sickness, stress, suffering, survivors, therapists, time, today, tomorrow, touch, trust, victims, yesterday and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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