Child Sexual Abuse – Breaking the Silence – Part Three

Child Sexual Abuse – Breaking the Silence

introduction by maggie christian

( a collection of Tips to be aware of which will aid in identifying the potentials for Child Sexual Abuse and that will enable all of us to read the signs if Child Sexual Abuse is occurring. This collection of Tips will be broken up into several parts for less difficult accessibility. If there are more Tips more parts to this collection will be added. this collection comes from the Facebook Page Notes of TAALK: Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse. I am just trying to spread the message so that as many people as possible can become aware of the plague of Child Sexual Abuse and how invasive it is in all possible ways with all possible people. The victims and survivors of Child Sexual Abuse need to know that we are not alone. I hope more people will spread this information so that awareness will be everywhere and Child Sexual Abuse will be recognized for what it is and preventative steps can be taken to protect the children who are now being abused and to let the victims and survivors know that we are acknowledged and Child Sexual Abuse will not be hidden away in some secret closet in which no one shares that secret. We want Child Sexual Abuse to be out in the open so that the world can see it does exist in an awful abundance and must be stopped and prevented and brought to an end where ever it exists. Let the healing begin before it starts. Please read these many pages. If you know of anyone that fits any of these descriptions and know of anyone who needs help and rescuing – reach out your hand and be there for all those children who are being abused or have been abused and help the survivors that were abused and live with the memories. We all that have been and are being abused will always have those memories. PLEASE BECOME AWARE OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE and HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT WHEN YOU SEE IT.)

TAALK – Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse

TAALK Tip #149
Tip: A sexual offender is a person who commits a sexual offense because of emotionally based decisions such as to gain power and control or to gain love and affection. Whereas a child molester is someone who has molested a child (a child being defined as someone typically 13 years or younger but it varies by state).

TAALK Tip #148
Tip: Talk to your children about what to do if you’re late picking them up from school. Tell them to go to the school office to wait for you. They should not wait outside after the other children and parents are gone. Tell your child not to accept a ride from anyone other than adults that are pre-approved by you.

TAALK Tip #147
Tip: School child sexual abuse reporting procedures should include reporting to more than one administrator. Insist on it!

TAALK Tip #146
Tip: Pedophile Traits – They are typically fixated on a certain age range which is almost always prepubescent.

TAALK Tip #145
Tip: Be cautious of adults who have little interest in a typical level of sexual activity with other adults.

TAALK Tip #144
Tip: Be alert for adults who let kids get away with things other adults wouldn’t.

TAALK Tip #143
Tip: Be aware of adults who have more kid friends than adult friends.
Thanks for continuing your education on how to prevent child sexual abuse. Your increased awareness will make a difference in the lives of children around you.

TAALK Tip #142
Tip: Any type of interest in or possession of child pornography is a huge red flag. Do not let someone who has displayed this behavior be alone with your children at any time.

TAALK Tip #141
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: There’s rarely a reason why an adult needs to be behind closed doors with a child, even in their own home. This is especially true at night when a child should be sleeping.

TAALK Tip #140
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If a teacher offers to tutor your child, check to see if it is within school policy and then insist that it is in a location that is observable by others.

Statistic: 80% of abuse happens in one adult/one child situations.

TAALK Tip #139
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Beware if a nanny or any other adult tries to get too close to your family too quickly. This is a red flag and you should pay close attention and look for other signs.

Statistic: I recently heard of a family who hired a nanny who started telling the kids she loved them within weeks. Her behavior was that of a long-time family friend even though she had only been working for them for a few weeks.

TAALK Tip #138
TAALK – Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child exhibits on-going aggressive behavior towards friends and family members, this could be a sign of emotional stress from abuse. You should look for other signs and seek professional counseling to help determine the cause.

TAALK Tip #137
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Talk to your children’s teachers each year and the school administrators. Let them know that you and your child are aware of child sexual abuse. Ask what they do in their daily activities to protect kids from abuse.

TAALK Tip #136
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Cyber predators who are convicted of internet-related sexual offenses are also likely to commit contact sexual offenses.

Statistic: 80-85% of inmates who were convicted for internet child pornography and sentenced to the Sex Offender Treatment Program at the Federal Correctional Institution in Butner, North Carolina, later disclosed perpetrating contact sexual crimes.

TAALK Tip #136
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Cyber predators who are convicted of internet-related sexual offenses are also likely to commit contact sexual offenses.

Statistic: 80-85% of inmates who were convicted for internet child pornography and sentenced to the Sex Offender Treatment Program at the Federal Correctional Institution in Butner, North Carolina, later disclosed perpetrating contact sexual crimes.

TAALK Tip #134
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Teach kids that they can and should lock the bathroom door when going to the bathroom, showering or changing.

TAALK Tip #133
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Know your school’s policy about children left after school without a ride home. If a parent is running late, the school should insist that the child wait inside the office and not be allowed to leave until an authorized adult signs them out.

TAALK Tip #132
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be cautious of adults who treat kids like they’re older than they are. They are often trying to create a “special” relationship and make the child think they are the only one who really understands them. This puts your child in a very vulnerable position.

TAALK Tip #131
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophile Traits – They are typically collectors of anything; stamps, baseball hats and of course child pornography. This does not make all collectors a pedophile, so look for other red flags or signs of inappropriate behavior.

TAALK Tip #130
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Teach kids that they should lock the bedroom door when changing and even when sleeping if they feel more comfortable.

TAALK Tip #129
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Schedule a Darkness to Light Stewards of Children child sexual abuse prevention training class at your house and invite all your friends and neighbors. Contact us to see if there’s a facilitator in your area or become a facilitator yourself!

TAALK Tip #128
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child has chronic anxiety related symptoms such as headaches or stomach aches, you should seek professional counseling to help determine the cause. This type of chronic illness is often due to on-going stress such as sexual abuse.

TAALK Tip #127
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child walks home from school, you should expect them to be there within a specific period of time. Even if you cannot be there when they get home, you should ensure the child is home with a phone call.

TAALK Tip #126
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be leery of adults and older children who pay “too much” attention to your children. Offers to babysit, take them on outings, give you some time to yourself, tutor them, etc. If you’re thinking “It’s too good to be true,” it probably is.

Statistic: 30-40% of child sexual abuse is by a family member and another 50% is by someone we know and trust.

TAALK Tip #125
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophile Traits – they often suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Child sexual abuse is a need based desire. That’s often how pedophiles end up getting caught because even if they know they are at risk of being caught, they can’t stop. This doesn’t mean that all OCD sufferers are pedophiles but it is a red flag. Look for other flags to see if there’s a pattern.

TAALK Tip #124
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophiles seek opportunity – faith based organizations are very appealing places to work and/or volunteer because the members are trusting by nature and will typically give someone the benefit of the doubt. This doesn’t mean that all staff and volunteers of faith based organizations are pedophiles but don’t fall into a false sense of security.

TAALK Tip #123
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Teach kids that it is proper to knock before entering a room with a closed door. Teach them to expect this behavior from others and to tell you if someone breaks this rule.

TAALK Tip #122
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When you decide to have children, work with your spouse to create a written Family Safety Plan that includes age appropriate privacy guidelines for bathing, toileting, changing and sleeping. It should also cover internet usage and personal boundaries. Being proactive about this discussion will make it easier to bring up if someone in your home (spouse, child or guest) is breaking one of the rules.

TAALK Tip #121
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Inappropriate behavior is dangerous even if the person does not have bad intentions. If you don’t correct the behavior your child will assume that it is okay and when a perpetrator practices the same behavior as part of their grooming process, your child will not recognize the danger because the last time it happened in front of Mom and Dad, they didn’t say anything.

TAALK Tip #120
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Have a family code that allows your kids to tell you when someone makes them uncomfortable. Something such as “That lady reminds me of Gramma Mary.”

TAALK Tip #119
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Teach your children to bathe themselves as soon as they are out of diapers. Tell them that they can wash their own private parts and there is no reason for anyone else to touch them, not even Mom and Dad.

TAALK Tip #118
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Include several books about private parts and child sexual abuse in your children’s library from a very early age. Visit our website to buy books through our Amazon Store but one of my favorites is Those are My Private Parts by Diane Hansen.

TAALK Tip #117
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Child sexual abuse offenders are not just middle aged men. Offenders include women and even children. If you limit yourself to thinking they are men, you will likely put your children at risk without even realizing.

TAALK Tip #116
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Talk with the management of the after school programs your children participate in. Ask them what their policy is for preventing child sexual abuse. Their policy should include: 1) background checks for all staff and volunteers, 2) close on-going supervision of staff and volunteers, 3) policy to minimize one adult/one child situations and make them observable and interruptible, 4) documented reporting processes for suspected abuse (to more than one party), 5) child sexual abuse prevention training for all staff and volunteers. Insist on it!

TAALK Tip #115
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child has strong phobias whether it is fear of heights, spiders, water, etc. this could be a sign of child sexual abuse. You should watch this very carefully and look for other signs of abuse. If it gets bad, you should seek professional counseling to help determine the cause of the anxiety.

TAALK Tip #114
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Young children should not walk to and from school without an adult. As they get older and begin to walk without an adult, they should always use the buddy system, walking with 2 or more other kids. The right age to be able to walk without an adult is not really about whether your child is responsible or not it’s more about detering a predator from even approaching your child. I would wait until your child is at least 11 years old, preferably older if you can.

TAALK Tip #113
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophiles seek opportunity – they will look to marry into a “ready made family” giving them immediate and unconditional access to young children. They will often divorce after the children have grown outside of their preferred age range and marry again to someone with younger kids. This doesn’t mean that all step fathers are pedophiles but it is a red flag. Look for other flags to see if there’s a pattern.

TAALK Tip #112
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Share age appropriate information about pedophile grooming signs with your kids so they are aware. There’s a fantastic book called The Socially Skilled Child Molester by Carla van Dam, Ph.D. It’s a must read for all adults! You can purchase it through the IVAT On-Line Bookstore.

TAALK Tip #111
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Talk with the leadership of the sports organizations your children participate in. Ask them what their policy is for preventing child sexual abuse. Their policy should include: 1) background checks for all staff and volunteers, 2) close on-going supervision of staff and volunteers, 3) limitation of one adult/one child situations, 4) documented reporting process for suspected abuse (to more than one party), 5) child sexual abuse prevention training for all staff and volunteers, 6) a safe haven program ensuring there is always a parent other than the coaches at all practices and games (a female parent for girls sports). Insist on it!

TAALK Tip #110
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If you find your child self mutilating (puncturing with pins or cutting), seek professional counseling right away. This is a form of acting out that should raise great concern and is common in child sexual abuse victims.

True Story. When I was a teenager and acting out my sexual abuse (by sleeping around, drinking to much) I would often find myself drunk, confused and in a lot of pain. At that point I would start to cut myself. It was as if it took of some pressure or moved the pain from my head to my body, made it visible to me and to my friends. I eventually stopped doing it but never reached out to a supportive adult to get help with it, or to try to understand why I was doing it. I did that later on in my healing as an adult. – Svava Brooks

TAALK Tip #109
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: School child sexual abuse prevention policies should include clear child sexual abuse reporting procedures for abuse suspected both outside the school and within. Insist on it!

TAALK Tip #108
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Pedophile’s seek opportunity – they will become “groupies” of those who have access to children such as an assistant to a children’s photographer. This doesn’t mean that all assistants are pedophiles but it is a red flag. Look for other flags to see if there’s a pattern.

TAALK Tip #107
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Talk to your children about good sexual behavior and child sexual abuse. There’s a great pamphlet by Toni Cavanaugh Johnson, Ph.D. called Understanding Children’s Sexual Behaviors. It’s a great resource to help you understand what’s natural and healthy behavior and what is behavior that warrants concern. You can purchase it through the IVAT On-Line Bookstore.

TAALK Tip #106
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When hiring a nanny or a babysitter, for children too young to communicate concerns, consider using surveillance cameras.

TAALK Tip #105
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Talk with the youth leadership at your faith organization. Ask them what their policy is for preventing child sexual abuse?

Their policy should include: 1) background checks for all staff and volunteers, 2) close on-going supervision of staff and volunteers, 3) limitation of one adult/one child situations, 4) documented reporting process for suspected abuse (to more than one party), 5) child sexual abuse prevention training for all staff and volunteers. Insist on it!

TAALK Tip #104
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: Be sure to talk to your kids about child sexual abuse and what it is starting at an early age.

Fact: Young victims may not recognize their victimization as sexual abuse.

TAALK Tip #103
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: If your child exhibits symptoms of genital or urinary tract infections or sexually transmitted diseases such as offensive odor, redness, rashes or burning, this can be caused by sexual activity. Take them to visit a pediatrician or family doctor right away.

TAALK Tip #102
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: School child sexual abuse prevention policies should be in writing and should eliminate or significantly minimize one adult/one child situations. Insist on it!

TAALK Tip #101
Breaking the Silence that Surrounds Child Sexual Abuse
Tip: When your child wants to go to a friend’s house, make sure you know the parents well enough to have a feel for their level of alcohol consumption and other addictive behaviors. Ask your children about the family’s behavior upon returning.

About the universal eclectic

writer.poet.screenwriter. animal activist. support progressive political causes. film maker & photographer. advocate for the protection of children from child sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual abuse. lgbtq activist. lesbian. animal advocate. animal lover. daily journaling. dream interpretation. write poetry. fiction(novels & short stories).semi-autobiographical books. screenplays & blogs. cinephile. anglophile. technophile. love theatre. great television(esp. british).films. love books. love reading. collect quotations. collect dvds. love music (eclectic tastes). addicted to laptop computer. internet. facebook. twitter & other social networking. 'surfing' the net. wikipedia. texting. ustream. wordpress. blogging. love my family of 2 humans(myself & my partner) & 12 animals: 1 amazon parrot (saki). (6 cats (sanji, sigmund, schroeder, spike, soyer & spootiepaws). 1 rat (max). 2 degues (bubble & squeak) & 2 chinchillas (sagan & sundance). love animals. worked for humane society for 14 yrs. worked at westport public library as intern. worked at bennington college library. student assistant in college. co-produced gay & lesbian radio show at yale university. member of yale lesbians. board member of new haven, ct women’s' center. love stana katic. her films & her tv show 'castle' -my guilty pleasure. passion for & study of psychotherapy & other forms of psychology. believe in love as a metaphysical state of being. in love with being in love. support legalizing marijuana. support releasing non-violent drug offenders from prison. support abolishing the death penalty. support a woman's right to choose. support the arts in schools. support federal funding of pbs. npr & nea. stopping the government from being taken over by the gop and tea baggers. support for medicare, medicaid and health care for all.
This entry was posted in abuse, aggregation, anger, anxiety, awareness, bad touch, behavior, being alone, betrayal, boundaries, bravery, causes, child abuse, child pornography, child sexual abuse, childhood, childhood trauma, children, closeness, communication, control, courage, criminal behavior, dissociation, eating disorders, education, emotional support, emotions, enlightenment, enticement, fear, friendship, healing, incest, internet, intimacy, media, memories, mental health, news, panic attacks, pedophilia, predators, prevention, progressive social issues, psychology, psychotherapy, reading, relationships, secrets, sexual abuse, sexual offenses, sexuality, sickness, suffering, taboos, therapists, threats, time, today, tomorrow, touch, trust, victims, yesterday and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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