hum, it is almost spring. just hang on. fresh air. warm air. no snow. depression sucks. what was the goddess thinking??? nothing feels worse in this whole world when you have fallen into that place of heavy darkness in your soul. get manic. that seems to be fending it off for me right now. it may not be the healthiest of states but get out the garlic in order to keep the depression vampires away from your soul and from entering through the doorways of your mind. if they’re already there scream as loud as you can to scare them off. scream. cry. throw some words on paper or paint on canvas or spaghetti at the wall. just fight with all the strength you can conjure up. mine are hiding out right now and that is fine with me but i know it is not always going to be that way. you are never safe from the downward spiral of depression. it’s a sneaky devil. and it doesn’t just want to share some space in your mind, body and soul. it wants to be all-consuming. it feels as though it has control of your body and is pulling you down into the earth, through the floor into the depths’ of dante’s inferno. nothing can save you when you are in this non-functioning frame of mind. only existing in this place of deepest darkness. the depression isn’t the most dangerous place you can find yourself to be. you must be cautious and watch for what follows quietly in depressions’ footsteps. yes, the all-consuming thoughts of ending the pain and suffering. the dark mistress who dominates thoroughly even the strongest of us all. suicide is an all encompassing phase that feels as though it will last forever and hold us in its’ trap with no avenues for escape. i do not recommend hanging around for long here in this lonely state of being without reaching out for someone who will hear your call for help. it is necessary for you to seek out guidance; to talk to a person about what is going around inside your head; someone who will not judge you; but a kind, gentle and soothing voice who will wait it through with you. do not give up and feel you are no one and your life is worthless. “this too shall pass” as cliched as that sounds. i would recommend if you feel this way you should consider seeking out a good psychotherapist with whom to work on your thoughts and feelings. it just might make you feel less lonely and better able to cope when you are going through these experiences. laughter always helps, also. watch something funny. a comedy that is sure to make you laugh. it is so difficult to feel depressed and suicidal when you are laughing. my therapist is helping me to understand this. it definitely works.
by maggie christian