Information for Partners and Loved Ones of Survivors

Information for Partners and Loved Ones of Survivors
April is Child Protection Month
shared from Facebook by maggie christian

What the Survivor needs to tell you

1. We grew up feeling very isolated and vulnerable, a feeling that continues into our adult lives.

2. Our early development has been interrupted by abuse, which either holds us back or pushes us ahead developmentally.

3. Child abuse has influenced all parts of our lives. Not dealing with it is like ignoring an open wound. Our communication style, our self-confidence, and our trust levels are affected.

4. Putting thoughts and feelings related to our abuse “on the back burner” does not make them go away. The only way out is to go through these emotions and process them.

5. Our interest in sexual activity will usually decline while we are dealing with this early trauma. This is because: we are working on separating the past from the present. pleasure and pain can sometimes be experienced simultaneously. it is important for us to be in control, since control is what we lacked as children. Sometimes we need a lot of space. Pressuring us to have sex will only increase our tension.

6. We often experience physical discomforts, pains, and disorders that are related to our emotions.

7. We often appear to be extremely strong while we are falling apart inside.

8. There is nothing wrong with us as survivors — something wrong was DONE to us.

9. Sometimes others get impatient with us for not “getting past it” sooner. Remember, we are feeling overwhelmed, and what we need is your patience and support. Right now, it is very important for us to concentrate on the past. We are trying to reorganize our whole outlook on the world; this won’t happen overnight.

10. Your support is extremely important to us. Remember; we have been trained to hold things in. We have been trained NOT to tell about the abuse. We did not tell sooner for a variety of reasons: we were fearful about how you would react, what might happen, etc. We have been threatened verbally and/or nonverbally to keep us quiet, and we live with that fear.

11. Feeling sorry for us does not really help because we add your pain to our own.

12. There are many different kinds of people who are offenders. It does not matter that they are charming or attractive or wealthy. Anybody — from any social class or ethnic background, with any level of education– may be an offender. Child abuse is repetitive, so be aware of offenders with whom you have contact. Do not let them continue the cycle of abuse with the next generation of children.

13. We might not want or be able to talk with you about our therapy.

14. We are afraid we might push you away with all our emotional reactions. You can help by: listening, reassuring us that you are not leaving, not pressuring us, touching (WITH PERMISSION) in a nonsexual way.

15. Our therapy does not break up relationships – it sometimes causes them to change as we change. Therapy often brings issues to the surface that were already present.

16. Grieving is a part of our healing process as we say goodbye to parts of ourselves.

From _Triumph over Darkness_ by Wendy Ann Wood, M.A. copyright Wendy Ann Wood 1993
By: Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse

About the universal eclectic

writer.poet.screenwriter. animal activist. support progressive political causes. film maker & photographer. advocate for the protection of children from child sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual abuse. lgbtq activist. lesbian. animal advocate. animal lover. daily journaling. dream interpretation. write poetry. fiction(novels & short stories).semi-autobiographical books. screenplays & blogs. cinephile. anglophile. technophile. love theatre. great television(esp. british).films. love books. love reading. collect quotations. collect dvds. love music (eclectic tastes). addicted to laptop computer. internet. facebook. twitter & other social networking. 'surfing' the net. wikipedia. texting. ustream. wordpress. blogging. love my family of 2 humans(myself & my partner) & 12 animals: 1 amazon parrot (saki). (6 cats (sanji, sigmund, schroeder, spike, soyer & spootiepaws). 1 rat (max). 2 degues (bubble & squeak) & 2 chinchillas (sagan & sundance). love animals. worked for humane society for 14 yrs. worked at westport public library as intern. worked at bennington college library. student assistant in college. co-produced gay & lesbian radio show at yale university. member of yale lesbians. board member of new haven, ct women’s' center. love stana katic. her films & her tv show 'castle' -my guilty pleasure. passion for & study of psychotherapy & other forms of psychology. believe in love as a metaphysical state of being. in love with being in love. support legalizing marijuana. support releasing non-violent drug offenders from prison. support abolishing the death penalty. support a woman's right to choose. support the arts in schools. support federal funding of pbs. npr & nea. stopping the government from being taken over by the gop and tea baggers. support for medicare, medicaid and health care for all.
This entry was posted in abuse, anger, anxiety, awareness, bad touch, behavior, being human, betrayal, bravery, causes, child abuse, child sexual abuse, childhood, childhood trauma, children, closeness, control, courage, criminal behavior, emotional support, enticement, fear, good touch, healing, incest, intimacy, love, memories, mental health, pedophilia, perpetrators, predators, prevention, psychotherapy, relationships, secrets, sexual abuse, sexual offenses, sexuality, sickness, survivors, taboos, therapists, threats, time, today, tomorrow, touch, trust, victims, yesterday and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s